Sunday, March 18, 2007 ;
3/18/2007 03:07:00 AM
hey people.
its been a long day. and still is long. anyway. today was church. it was awesome. i really felt His presence strongly. it was amazing. it was like wow. you know? okay. anyways really, other than church, its been terrible. i kinda just did work and slaccked once in a while. anyways. got quite emotional at the start of the day but its ok. anyways its 3.09 a.m now. i just finished studying bio stuff. its been strenous.
i just felt really neglected. drugs cause you( in the long run) to neglect your families, friends and close people. but it seems like 1. either i'm on drugs or, 2. all my friends are on drugs. i dont know. seems like poeple dont naturally like me. hmmmms. why? am i too arrogant? i dont think so cuz i used to be worse. i dont think i'm THAT boring ok. everyone has their qualities as a person. maybe i dont mete everyone's expectations as a friend. i seem to be losing one friend after another. i get lied to. c'mon i wasnt born yesterday. i AM SENSETIVE and i can tell when you turn your back on me, dont act as if you really do care. cuz i know you dont so stop it. dont pretend. we knew each other for so long and if that means nothing to you, then just get lost cuz i dont need a fake friend. a friend is someone there for you who cares for you. and i dont see that coming.
i know he's better than anything. its been a blessing to have had me huh. hmmm. well i think he's a greater blessing. perhpas from God cuz everytime it seems to work out. but anyway. i just felt that i cant keep it locked up. i know things. perhas somethings that you dont know i know. its shcoking that you, of all people would commit such "slutty" things, but oh well i keep telling myself you're human. a friend i'll try to be, but just make sure you send the right signs. be clear in your decisions and actions dont be so indecisive. you're sending many people the wrong signs. you're making people fall for something you dont wana be. its dangerous. you'l find yourself in trouble in the end.
and for those who still care tonnes for me, if you have really shown it, i'd have noticed it, whether i've recognised it publically or not, i do know. thank you all this while. its ben great. i've been through so much these months and i dont know when this suffering will end. but i know that it will. i've made millions of wrong decisions. and i will emerge and learn from them and beat the odds, you'll see. and well to those friends who've strayed. if its possible, i really hope that a friendship can rekindle but if you detest me as it already is, then i've got no option but to hope that you do come back.
anyway. this is way too depressing. i'll end of here.
see you all!
every life is a new experience
