Tuesday, September 12, 2006 ;
9/12/2006 10:00:00 PM
hey peeps.
just wanted to rant a little today.
feeling a bit low. somehow just doesnt work out all the time. i guess shu ya knows what i mean cuz she probably just understand this part of me. xenia too anyways. kie wu and i went to town today with SY and Rach and Grorg. had some fun laughing at BK. anyways.
we had long periods of mrs toh today. she took over ms leong's lessons of SS. and taught E MATH arghs. she's such a spoiler. anyways. had like 2h 40 mins of mrs toh+ 1h30 mins of her for grp study. that is a total of 4 h10mins. FUC* it. no wonder i feel so dead. thank GOD there's no math tml. english was boring and sucky. REAL bad. hahaha.
sometimes when you feel that holding on was the best thing to do, you are faced with another problem which like makes u regret your choice. but its just too late. its like love is just so hard to convince. you cant just shrug it off or ignore it. sigh. exams are coming and yet when you put a relationship first it just doesnt seem to pay off. is this the way girls are? easy-going? no way. i mean i know that they're not but why has it got to be her only? why not some other woman on the street. and why must it happen to me? to us? why her? argh. it really gets frustrating how much effort u put into making things possible so that you have some times together and yet sometimes they just dont understand you and are not sensetive to your feelings and thoughts. they play a fool and make fun even when you are so seriously pissed and are in a real serious mood. they just dont know. don't know their limits. its just way out of expression's words. and even if i told her time and again. 3 times already. perhaps 4 in fact. why doesn't she KNOW and wake up from her dream? why cant she even show that she loves me? i show her so much. does she expect a relationship to be a one-way thing? just for the guy to confess and for her to be enjoying the sweetnothings? i dont think so. i mean like i dont even know what's on her mind. i dont fully understand her. she doesnt trust me? maybe she just doesnt even have time to talk to me SERIOUSLY. its that thing. being SENSITIVE thats all is needed. if only she knew about emotions more. if only. if only if only if only if only's thats all i WISH so much. and my dreams and wishes will NEVER come true. she wont change for me. WONT. shouldn't it be the guy who has many bad habits and changes for the girl? i dont think being sensitive in a relationship is a bad habit or something WRONG. i think talking about the wrong things at the wrong times is something bad. jealousy. i mean guys are SO egoistic so what? face it i dont care. guys get jealous easily. yeah thats true. so you know it. and you still fucking do it? for what? to make me jealous? you think it STRENGTHENS a relationship? like real. you just dont take this seriously do you? you just think its a childhood thing. you just wana make yourself stronger. thats certainly NOT my idea of a relationship. this is NOT IDEAL. not at all. and i have feelings and discretions. i am able to choose. i'm just holding on for that glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel. but i guess it seems like the tunnel's never gonna end. its gonna last a while. this is infuirating. disappointing thats all i wana say. and although we may seem HAPPY and JOYOUS outside its obvious that we arent really that. liar? perhaps. but oh look, who's the bigger liar? if you dont treat a relationship as something IMPORTANT den fucking dont bother getting into one. its a game? a fun thing? a game to play to bore you out? i'm no VOODOO DOLL. i'm not a TOY i shouldnt be PLAYED with. wait. thats what girls say. great. see. we've exchanged roles. i'm becoming the girl and you're becoming the guy. awesome. HOW SWEET. why not have a permanent SEX CHANGE? think that's aswesome for your personality. right? i don't know what you think but surely when you say sorry you don't mean it. maybe a little. and if so, when u say you'll TRY you put like less than 1% of your total efforts in it. you cant even save your own skin? pathetic? c'mon be real. dont be such a fucking retard. be SERIOUS and come back to reality. you're not 10 you know. i'm like 17 in a 15 year old's body. you're like the opposite. c'mon dont be such a prudent lil thing. its not funny already. its not FUN you know. chasing all over for you. i really don't know. this is getting me so depressed sometimes. the holidays never changed anything. so much for a TIME OUT. furthermore? it was FAKE?! how could you do something like that? i mean seriously ask anyone out there this:
WOULD YOU TAKE UP SOMETHING LIKE A DARE TO IGNORE YOUR BF/GF FOR A WEEK YET A MONTH?!?!well i bet the answer is FUCKING NO. who would? are you even human? its not funny. if we cant communicate do you need to go around telling your FRIEND that we cant? its not like she's dating u or anything. if u love he so much den be les with her and go get a family of homo's in US. how can u do such a thing? i mean SERIOUSLY?! its not cut or anything. be MATURE. dont be such a fucking idiot. this is like SO frustrating. the more i think about it the worse it gets.
alright. i think i''ll stop i cant take this anymore. sorry people. but just think over it. i mean if you were in my place. would you? can you take it? its like not a few days you know. i waited like a few months. gave her space for months and this is what i get? hello? MONTHS you know? not a week. even a week. you have people like so loving and all. and MONTHS is not enough? oh never mind.
guess till here
much gestures.
every life is a new experience
